she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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