My first STD was from a foam party
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
