my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
