I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
