i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize