girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
