I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
