The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
sex in a hospital.. check
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
