it was like his penis was on wheels.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
