She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
