You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
