Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
