How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
