I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
