i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We got so high we made milksteak
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
