I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
