he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i think i just lost a toe
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
