some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
