the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
