You can't special order awesome
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
