I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
