the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
