I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if i died would you start the facebook group?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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