I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
