hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
