I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
