btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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