my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
