Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize