why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
