i wish my penis had a tongue
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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