words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i think i just lost a toe
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
