Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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