U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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