Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
