u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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