dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
