Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he shaved USA in his pubs
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
