Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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