The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
