I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
