Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
