Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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