she looked like the before picture.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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