Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
