You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
