I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
