your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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