Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
