one two three fourrrrnication!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
