u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
