i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
