I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize