okay pat passed out under dana's car
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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