the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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