a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
