I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
