Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
wow bdsm is so cute
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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