my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
