Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
