Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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