I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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