mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
