I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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