I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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