and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
