I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize