I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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