Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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