I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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