i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
