whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
is this the sara with the beer cane?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
