I didn't shave. On purpose
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
