she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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