I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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