One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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