I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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