I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
