so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
