shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
