it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
