Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
why is half of my head shaved?
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