that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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