I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
