oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
