i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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