Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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