if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
