Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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