dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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