I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
