I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
