How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
